CALLIGRAPHY

I just finished Maya Angelou's I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings. Yea, I still don't know why the caged bird sings. Maybe I'll find out why the second, or third, time I read it. In my experience, third time's always the charm. Oh well...

I was wondering what to read next. I got on Google for a totally unrelated reason only to see this interesting looking doodle. Of course I click on it, because I am wired like that (oh, yes! The cat is my spirit animal). Apparently, it would have been Marjorie Oludhe Macgoye's 94th birthday. Just like that,I decide I'm reading Coming to Birth next. FAM!!!!!! How appropriate bro! 

Okay,I'll explain.

I've been on a journey. A healing journey. I didn't even make a conscious decision to start healing...but over the course of this year, I have been nudged, severally, to change something. To change lots of things. Spaces had started to get a tad bit uncomfortable.  I've been nudged ever so gently into this space where, at the risk of sounding cliche, I am finding me. Having spent so much time alone in my room, I've learnt quite a bit about myself. I have re-remembered the things I like. Like cooking, reading...and just today, calligraphy.

As I bang this, I'm listening to Self Care by Savannah Cristina. I found this album at the most appropriate time. A time where I am all about self care. A time where I am, quite literally, finding a way. And this time, hata kama ni ngumu aje, I will find a way. This is it. This is how I do it. With this fear. With my trembling hands, my tight chest and my short breath.  I'm doing it right this time. I am coming to birth. I am facing myself in the mirror. With no fear. I am coming to birth. Nani ule alisema ati there are two times a man is born? *quick google search* Turns out it was William Barclay. I never could have guessed that. Would have bet it was Socrates or something.

So anyway, I open the book and right there in bold typeset ,the first word is Martin. Tell me why. Tell me whyyyyyy?!!! Okay, spirit guides, I hear you. I see you! Please give me courage to get this wheel rolling. I know that it is time to honor myself and my boundaries. To let go of this guy who doesn't even like me, and heal this part of me which resonates with emotionally unavailable men.

It's taken a while to get here. Even as I recognize that I may not be as courageous tomorrow, I know that I am learning to choose me. And as long as I let the wheels keep rotating, I know I'll be okay.

That should be enough. That is enough. I am enough.

Here Goes Nothing...!

I started this blog because it was mandatory for a class project . I love writing, I love words. I love reading much more than I love writing though. Since I had to do it for a class project, it slowly became a burden so of course when the semester ended, so did my writing. That was about 7 years ago.

I am a student again but this time I don't HAVE to do a writing project. I'm back here to sort of get all my thoughts which I can't voice out loud, on a "surface". My bro, Eki, calls it 'documented expressions'.

My writing has become a tad too rusty, as you can imagine. Please bear with me. Lakini I don't think anyone will be reading anything from here and that kinda,sorta takes the pressure off.

Oh, I'm glad to say I passed the unit for which this writing project was required. I passed the course as well.🙂

HE HAS MY HEART

He is my best friend in the whole wide world.He listens to me.He doesn't laugh at me when I tell him of my dreams, my cares or my troubles.He does not judge or ask spitefully why I made a mistake.He understands me and never makes me feel I'm a lesser person because he believes in me probably much more than I believe in myself.
He is my best friend in the whole wide world.He carries me everyday, in his arms,sometimes under his wing.I feel safe, I am content, I am joyful in his presence.He makes me glad,happy than I have ever been.He reminds me that I am his own,everyday.He even has my name tattooed on his palms,I mean, what more could a girl want?
He is my best friend in the whole wide world.He never shouts at me.Its always a gentle whisper.A still, small voice, if you may.He wakes me up every morning with a light brush on my cheek , just at the right time so I do not get late for work or school.He makes sure my stomach is full and that my bed is warm every night.He even makes sure I am able to sleep.He is such a gentleman.
He is my best friend in the whole wide world.When I'm sad and I want to cry, he doesn't tell me to grow some.He lets me cry, always offering a tissue.He reminds me that he takes care of me and is with me always.He has promised me so much and I know he will fulfill ALL of them.He tells me I am perfect just the way I am and that he loves me no matter what.He chose ME out of all the people.Me with all my imperfections!!I am his cherished personal treasure.
Jesus is my best friend in the whole wide world.Do you know how awesome that is?

OF SATURDAY NIGHTS...EVE OF SUNDAY'S JOURNEY

Its been a while since I posted anything here.Did you miss me? 'Coz I did miss you.There, there...I am here now, everything is going to be okay.:-)
I am in a very good mood today.Its been a while since I felt this way.There is so much love and laughter in my life despite me being extremely broke.I have been job hunting.That has not gone so well but hope is one thing not so easy to kill.It's not been easy but I am hopeful.
I also had exams, two long grueling weeks of cramming, cramming and for those I couldn't cram,Google (ha ha...don't quote me).I am glad that is over now.I only got one more semester to go.I AM EXCITEED! Can't wait to finish undergrad and move on to the next phase of my life.For most of my class mates, it will probably be getting married and getting babies.Not for me, though. Been there,done that.I digress.
I leave for home tomorrow,to see my babies.And my family,my grandpa and grams, especially.And my funny little cousins.Home is Kitale and no I am not Luhya.Not that it matters,but when I tell someone that I come from Kitale,they immediately ask if  I am Luhya.So I thought I would clear the air about that.
Anyway, I will not be able to post while there so don't miss me too much.I will surely be back.Stay safe, be good and Keep hope alive.You'll always be criticized, so do what you feel to be right.

Love always.
Me.

NOT AGAIN!!

We woke up this morning to the sad news of the fresh killings in Lamu.The attacks are the proverbial rubbing of salt on to a fresh wound, because just four days ago, a hotel and two houses were burnt in Manda Island.A day before that, gunmen raided a village in Pandanguo, killed 11 people and robbed police of six guns.

According to reports, the attackers killed two policemen after they stopped the Lamu bound bus.They also sprayed the Tahmeed coach with bullets,thereby injuring a number of the passengers.

 I am tempted to ask is what camps were destroyed when the Kenya Defense Forces said they destroyed all the camps used by the militia?Where did these 'heavily armed' attackers come from? Where is the President in all these seeing as he is the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces.He has been awfully quiet and I know that I do not speak for myself when I say that I am almost giving up on him.

 It is said that the cause of these killings is land because Jomo Kenyatta settled 

Kikuyus on the most fertile land.Others say that these attacks are political.I do not know what to believe anymore.

 The government that is supposed to protect the people is quiet.The individuals in charge are sleeping on the job. 

We are told that we as Kenyans need to protect ourselves.I ask myself how this is possible.They even tell me that security starts with me, yet even the police with AK 47s are being killed.

This kind of reminds me of the text in Psalms that says, 'If the Lord does not watch over a city,the watchman stays awake in vain'. So far, it is better to leave such things to God.

"O" SERIES CONTINUES

This is for all of you literature heads.Our very own Okwiri Oduor has won the 2014 Caine Prize for African Writing.This is for her short story,My Father's Head.She started publishing with Kwani?Amka, African writing online among others.
In her winning story, Okwiri talks about how she dealt with her father's death, how she mourned him.Its a nice piece with the themes of memory, loss and loneliness.
I recommend this for all of you.
She continues the o series of Obama,Odinga, Oliech and most recently Origi.

KILLER WIVES OF KABETE

Men from Central Kenya have been warned not to marry women from Kabete. This is because they are considered to be husband killers.These women are very beautiful but aunties and grandparents are usually very unwilling to accompany men for ruracio when they go to seek these women's hand in marriage.As most of us have been told, Kabete has the highest number of widows per square kilometer.
Women from Kabete are also aggressive business ladies and go-getters, a quality most men admire in women but these same men are too afraid of them.Last month, a business tycoon was killed in Kabete. His wife, who was arrested but later released, was said to have worked together with her relatives to hack his body into pieces and later dumped those pieces on the road.
Of course this is a stereotype,but it is so strong that men cannot dare marry these women from Kabete for fear of being cursed by their folks.We do not know why these women kill their husbands.We can only wonder if this stereotype is true.