In the traditional African society, marriage was a communal
ceremony. When you got married to someone, you got married to their whole clan.
One could not marry without the approval of parents and the entire community. Both
families learned about each other before a deal was struck on how to formalize
the union. This fact alone made divorces and separations rare occurrences.
Fast forward to the modern world. All the cultural
requirements have been swept under the carpet. Wedding and divorcing among the youth
is as easy as breathing in or out. In his song, It’s Not Easy, Lucky Dube shows
that the biggest effort made nowadays by couples is to call home and casually
tell their parents that they are wedding. After falling victim to the trap of
rushed marriages, people often regret when their partner starts revealing their
true colors. Some men are swept off by a lady’s good looks and they end up
getting married. In the long run, they realize that behind the beauty lies the
true colors that will destroy the relationship.
Ladies are perhaps the ones who are most blinded as most of
them marry for the wrong reasons. A lady might get married to someone because
of his looks and because he is financially stable or that he treats her like a
princess. They do not remember that passion and looks fade away. Many young
women today say that they want to get married to old, ailing but financially
stable men who will soon die and leave them all the inheritance. Money is what
counts these days; gone are the days when people got married without thinking
of their spouses ‘size of pocket’.
Marriage can be a source of happiness or sadness depending
on how you view it. These days, people wish it was a contract that had an
expiry date to relieve someone out of the problems associated with married
life.
My two pence worth is that money and/or looks should never
be given the first priority while choosing a marriage mate. After all, success
in relationships consists not only in finding the right mate but by being the
right mate yourself. Take your time, enjoy your youth. Waiting never hurt
anyone; instead it builds your knowledge and simply gives you the time you need
to be truly ready to take any serious step, such as this, in life.
I speak from experience.
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